Roses, Music and Musings

After so much time lost to trauma and survival, the woman that I am now is in a MUCH better place, still learning to process mountains of pain, swimming rivers of hope, learning to stand back up and to reclaim my life…but this time, my mindset is different, and it does make a big difference.

However, in full transparency, trying to reclaim my time and my life, getting to know myself beneath the layers of trauma, and following my dreams felt nice on paper… And it sounded empowering, but in real life, and on many occasions, it felt really discouraging.

I cannot count the times I felt stuck behind walls or limited by roofs, disillusioned by the empty (even cruel) meritocratic catch-phrase “well… we all have 24 hours, don’t we ? ”… 

My 24 hours were mostly dictated by survival at the time. Coping. Strategising. And I’m sure many of us have been there: having to put your creativity aside just to survive. And that was crushing to me.

How could I reclaim my life, my time and my dreams, as a young Black woman, single parent with limited resources, lonely, living in a new country?

I needed more than generalised advice, blanket statements, sugar-coated Instagram posts, mantras and abstract theory.

 I needed practical advice. 

And I’m telling you, that’s why I believe I met Toni Morrison when I needed her the most.

Advice. Inspiration. Toni Morrison gave me that through her work and through her own life experiences.

She was one of the major voices that gently encouraged me further into the path of healing and self-realisation. While telling me about her own journey, she did not conceal or deny the hardships. She did not promote a soulless hustle culture. She did not encourage a perpetually self-effacing, self-sacrificing version of femininity. 

She became a presence, a wise, compelling voice telling me : “you can do it”, “you can stand tall”, “stay dedicated”, “work wisely for it”, “you got it, girl!”.

She taught me how I could maximise my time in spite of hurdles, marginalisation, responsibilities, inequalities and limited resources.

Remember, my question was “How could I reclaim my life, my time and my dreams, as a young Black woman, single parent with limited resources, lonely, living in a new country?“

I found some answers in Toni’s life, as she had been there! Yep! Similar package: limited resources, isolated, Black woman, single-parent and working full time…

So I wanted to know…How did she make her 24 hours make sense for her and her life vision, while being in constant survival mode ?

For the past two years, I have examined how Toni managed her time, the evident sacrifices she had to make, and what she had to prioritise to accomplish her goals and her dreams, to stay sane, healthy, and loving as a working single mother who recently relocated to a new city. Studying Toni, the woman, not just Toni the literary icon, was eye-opening since there were some realities that I shared with the younger Toni Morrison. Through her story, I was looking for possibilities, lessons to learn. 

We cannot applaud the immense achievements many other women like Toni do, or explore the reality of constrained time without acknowledging the heavy, compounding nature of discrimination.

With her enlightening concept of intersectionality, Kimberlé Crenshaw gave us clear language to articulate what many of us experience: the singularity of being positioned at the crossroads of multiple, overlapping systems of oppression. The concept of intersectionality reminds us that oppression is not always one-dimensional. It can be layered and cumulative, quietly taking time, energy, and mental space away from you, your life, and your dreams!

Through this lens, we can better understand some of the challenges Toni faced.

To belong to a minority group and/or a marginalised group often means inheriting a history shaped by exclusion, discrimination, and violence. For a long time, being Black in the United States meant living with limited opportunities and profound dehumanisation. Toni came of age at a time when legalised racism was still firmly embedded in American society. Violence was institutionalised, exclusion was lawful, and survival required constant vigilance. Your use and notion of time changes completely under such circumstances.

Being a woman added another layer of constraint. Narrowed possibilities, fewer options, social barriers, and increased vulnerability shaped everyday life. Autonomy and safety were conditional. Little things like curfew times, carefully planning walking journeys, limited work shifts due to safety concerns, limiting gender roles, and gender oppression shape your 24 hours.

Financial pressures and difficulties, as well as single motherhood, intensify difficult realities. Constant stress, fast-paced days, decision fatigue, and relentless mental labour became part of daily existence. How much of your time can you spare for your dreams in such circumstances when survival takes most of your energy?

Like Toni, I experienced the hopeful yet sometimes isolating adventure of relocation. Living in a new place meant being far from family, familiarity, memories, and established support systems. Community, when most needed, was not immediately available to help ease the days, lend a hand, or simply bring more colours to life. Loneliness does everything heavier. Here, a lot of time and energy might be spent simply trying to stay afloat. Migration can be heartbreaking and can cause a type of grief that is not often explored. I plan to write about this at some point ❤️.

So what about writing? What about the dreams?

Well. Toni quickly realised that she had to be really thoughtful, meticulous, and intentional about her time. She had to find a way to make her 24 hours work in her favour. As a full-time working single mother and recently relocated, writing simply could not happen in long, uninterrupted stretches. It happened in fragments for Toni. At dawn, between obligations, in stolen moments. That’s how she arranged her writing routine. Creativity had to adapt to survival.

I’m sure this constant adaptation carried a mental and emotional cost. To “make do” with limited time and resources required sacrifice. She does explain how socialising, for instance, and leisure were often postponed or abandoned altogether at the beginning. Survival demanded ruthless prioritisation: What is urgent right now? What can wait? What must be protected at all costs?

And yet, within these constraints, it is still possible for beautiful shifts to happen, because in order to thrive, you need to be healthy and have a support system. Wellbeing, self-realisation, health, and community-building become deliberate choices. Difficult choices and sacrifices remain as well, but there’s more balance. Being a member of a community, a loving mother, a present friend, a whole person, matter as much as achievement or success. They actually become a prerequisite for success, or they become success itself.

How are you managing the tension between survival and creativity? How do you protect your creative self when life gets overwhelming? What happens to your dreams when life demands all of your energy just to get through the day? What does “making space for creativity” look like in your life right now?

This question here is special to me as a writer: What does “making space for creativity” look like in your life right now? Stay tuned for part 5, where I share practical advice from Toni Morrison 💗.